Hello, my name is Sean and I am a Garbage Pail Kid. |

Hello, my name is Sean and I am a Garbage Pail Kid.

16 April 2010 2 Comments

I was a latch key kid in East Detroit with no siblings and a wild imagination during the 80′s. There was no such thing as “disposable income” so the luxuries in life came in the form of the occasional 25¢ pack of Garbage Pail Kids. For the unfortunate that may not know what a “GPK” is, allow me the honor of introducing you….

There had been a pop culture boom with the introduction of the Cabbage Patch Kid into the marketplace during the early 80′s. It was the first real “Parents Kill Each Other to get this Toy” Christmas item. They were shitty little pudgy dolls that I would love to be able to say I didn’t piss my pants to have. But I can’t. Because I did. Although remember, there was no ‘disposable cash’ so I became the adoptive parent of one “Calvin Reggie (self named)” that was a homemade variant made by my Aunt Marianne. Fine. I loved him like I love my daughters presently. No shit.

So that being said, there is always an undercurrent in popular culture that pulls you under and allows you to smell the underbelly a bit. Enter the Garbage Pail Kids. In a nutshell, they were baseball card style cards that showcased illustrations of seriously fucked up Cabbage Patch Kids with hauntingly disturbing names. Potty Scotty, Bony Tony, Hy Gene….. you get it.

On my way home from school I would stop off at the corner store. It was a hustle because He-Man started at 3:30 which only gave me a half hour to get my ass out of school and home in time. There was nothing worse than getting home, firing up the set and seeing the opening credits to General Hospital. FAIL!

Anyways, back to the point. It seems ironic that while living in such a busy, crazy neighborhood I would find my deepest adrenaline rush from opening a fresh pack of Garbage Pail Kids. I can distinctly remember the smell they would give off when freshly opened. It was similar to pack of baseball cards but with a touch of stale plastic naughty. And if I was shuffling through and saw a card that I knew I didn’t have!!!! HALLELUYAH HEAVEN!

In retrospect I can’t quite understand why these cards and drawings were so important to me. Maybe they injected me with creative inspiration that I was otherwise lacking. I mean, these cards were pretty much my sole opportunity to purchase and inspect illustrated artwork. Come to think of it, I may owe my bright and bountiful life as an artist to the Garbage Pail Kids! God damn, will you look at that. If it weren’t for Mugged Marcus, Hot Head Harvey, Fryin’ Brian or Noel Bowl, I wouldn’t be the man I am today.